Belief is a toxic and dangerous attitude toward reality. After all, if it's there it doesn't require your belief - and if it's not there why should you believe in it?— Terence McKenna
Faith doesn't die a quick death. Faith dies by a thousand small cuts. For me the death of faith started in irony.
Christian Fundamentalism includes many different currents. Some are more extreme than others, some hold beliefs that other strains do not. Young Earth Creationists are one such strain that flows through some branches of Christian Fundamentalism. For those who are not familiar with Young Earth Creationism or Creationists (YEC) here is a quick primer:
The Earth is about 6,000 years old (perhaps as old as 12,000 years). It was created, much as we find it now, by God at that time. God created everything over the course of a literal week, 7 days, with each day corresponding to a specific creation. On day 5 all life in the waters was created, for example, while on day 6 all creatures that live on dry land. These were literal 24-hour days. In regards to life it was created in 'kinds', roughly analogous to family or genus.
As a YEC you are taught to doubt and question scientific authorities. Question and doubt your teachers, scientists, and other authority figures. A whole industry is built around helping you in this endeavor. A popular author I was exposed to was Duane Gish. A member of the Institute for Creation Research (ICR), Gish wrote many books defending creationism and attacking the theory of evolution. One such book, "Evolution, the Fossils Say No!" became an important touchstone for me as a boy.
Gish also participated in debates with scientists. He refined and utilized a rhetorical device that has since been named after him - the "Gish Gallop". This is a method of presenting many, sometimes unrelated, arguments at once in an effort to overwhelm your debate opponent. The arguments do not have to be very strong or even correct but your opponent will be left unable to reasonably address all of them in response giving the appearance that the 'galloper' has an overpowering overall argument.
I took both this, and several other similar books, to heart. I read them cover to cover over and over. I practiced the Gish Gallop on my poor science teachers in school and in online debates on BBSes[1]. In my mind I was defending not only YEC but my faith. I was actively participating in the war for peoples' souls by challenging the lies and falsehoods of the Evil Evolution Agenda. The Gish Gallop often left my debate partners to fail to respond on BBSes, which I took as victories - looking back they likely had just chosen to ignore my rants. Although, I do recall occasionally a commenter responding that I had made them question evolution as they'd been taught. Filled with righteous pride I went on this way for some time. Then I encountered a user named 'Jericho'.
He was more than my match. He'd been looking for someone just like me to debate on a BBS forum. And he was ready for every trick I had. Jericho had a counter argument for every point raised in 'Evolution, the Fossils Say No!'. He had citations from books and referenced studies. He was undaunted by the Gish Gallop and carefully and methodically addressed each argument in his replies. Erudite, well-written replies to each of my posts with only a hint of snark, he dismantled my position with finesse and confidence I had never encountered before. I took many of his points to my teachers to have them confirmed. I read up his references to find them well researched and polished. He utterly defeated me in our online joust and the audience and replies were on his side. I suddenly found myself alone with my arguments with no support or allies.
The doubt and defiance I'd been taught to bring to bear against evolution and my teachers suddenly had a new target. Surely, if my side held the truth I reasoned, I could approach my own sources and books and teachings with doubt and come out refreshed and renewed in belief. Surely.
And so I turned the weapons I'd been armed with against YEC and faith itself.
The war inside my mind had started.