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 To caress the serpent that devours us, until it has eaten away our heart. 

— Voltaire

 Warning: Not Safe For Work (NSFW). Do not use while operating a vehicle, vessel, or machinery. May contain triggers, profanity, soy, heresy, grammar errors, misuse of metaphor and other hazards or dangers. User assumes all risks and liability. May cause cancer in the state of California.  

Book of the Serpent

Detailing the Death of My Faith

A Journal of the Fallen

The Book of the Serpent details my fall away from God and from Faith. It is a journal of sorts looking back and revisiting the doubt and uncertainty I faced as a teenager and young adult. The posts and articles will not always be in chronological order and some past events are viewed through the lens of the present. Here then is an accounting of my Fall.

 23/JUL/2020

The Serpent

The Serpent in the story of the Fall in the Garden is often assumed to be Satan, the accuser. Also known as the Devil. Sometimes equated with Lucifer, the light bringer. ...

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 06/JUL/2020

I, Fundamentalist

I was raised as Fundamentalist Evangelical Christian as a youth. There are three clear parts to that identity I hope to explain. ...

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 21/JUL/2020

"A Thief in the Night"

Planting the Seeds of Resentment

I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade when we watched the "A Thief in the Night" series at church. The movies are about the Rapture and follow a woman and several others who were not 'saved' and thus are not raptured. ...

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 01/JUL/2020

Doubt of Science, Science of Doubt

Faith doesn't die a quick death. Faith dies by a thousand small cuts. For me the death of faith started in irony. ...

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 23/JUL/2020

Questioning the Bible

Fundamentalist Evangelical Christians believe the Bible is literally true. The Bible is inerrant in their view, without error. ...

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 08/JUL/2020

The Aspects of God

It has been quipped by many an author or philosopher that to create atheists you should have more people read the Bible. There exist such things in the Bible as to create doubt in a God who possesses the qualities that the Fundamentalist God is said to possess. ...

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 02/JUL/2020

My Friend Came Out Gay

I Came Out a Bigot

I had been taught that homosexuality is a sin. A sinful lifestyle embraced by sinners. It was evil and corrupted the natural order of things. Woman was made for man and man was not to lie with other men. I was a strong believer in this and repeated these points when the issue came up in discussions. Homosexuality disgusted me. ...

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 30/JUN/2020

Masturbation for the Fundamentalist Teen

I scrub and scrub but the dirty doesn't come off. I can't get clean. My thoughts spin, electric and fire. Blood in the water, blood from me. Can't get clean. Just can't get clean. ...

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 09/JUL/2020

Here We Go Again

At each Altar Call I would find myself moving forward. I would find myself with tears in my eyes as I pledged myself again to Jesus Christ. As I repented again and again. ...

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 10/JUL/2020

Meeting the Enemy

The devil is a tricky sort. He can influence you in so many ways. There are the obvious, such as witchcraft and the occult. There are the less obvious such as modern music and art. ...

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 10/JUL/2020

Satanist

Meeting the Enemy Part 2

Like most religions, Satanism has a variety of sects or forms. There are two groups that people are most likely to encounter or to have heard of: The Church of Satan and The Satanic Temple. These two groups are not the same and have fundamental differences in ideology ...

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 07/JUL/2020

Nine Inch Nails Fan

I miss the church music. Hymns sung together in the pews. Voices in unison to an organ playing music bursting with emotion and feeling. Shared music is such a primal joy. ...

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 13/JUL/2020

Teen Sex and Teen Marriage

I first had sex at age 17. It was awkward and needy. My partner afterwards said, "not really a big deal is it?" I was suddenly not a virgin, life was different. We nearly got caught by her parents. ...

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 13/JUL/2020

Acid Jesus

Faith Renewed

I took an acid trip and had a revelation. In the throes of LSD I spoke with Jesus. He told me to quit hating myself and to accept salvation. He explained that all sin is forgiven as long as I repent. ...

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 12/JUL/2020

Drive-through Proselytization

One day working the drive through at Popeye's a customer handed me a booklet. An issue of The Watchtower, a magazine published by the Jehovah's Witnesses. I'd seen them before. I remember hearing about how mislead and wrongheaded the Jehovah's Witnesses were in church and from fellow Fundamentalists. ...

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 05/AUG/2020

For Sale: One Soul

When I was young I was warned that the devil would offer riches, fame, women, and power for my soul. Temptations would lead me astray if I chased after them. ...

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 15/JUL/2020

Off-the-Clock Agnostic

When I was a teen and young adult I often worked off the clock. 40 hours wasn't enough to get done the things done that I needed to get done. I was committed to my work. ...

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 07/JUL/2020

Hatred

The anger is inescapable. You are not permitted to be angry with God. It is not to be done. Thus my anger finds its home wherever it can. Each slight against me becomes a mortal threat. Each unkind word a declaration of battle ...

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 23/JUL/2020

The Tower

The foundations I built upon are shattered. The walls tumble down as utter desolation erupts. Everything is reduced to ashes and rubble. Security, serenity, spirituality all crushed and destroyed. ...

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 13/JUL/2020

Rant of a Heretic

The passion of the Christ only has weight if we think of Jesus as a man. A human suffering for us. For a God, it doesn't even matter. It is nothing. ...

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 17/JUL/2020

Nihilism

I taste the fruit of knowledge and a chasm opens up beneath me. There is no ground below me. I'm falling and there is no bottom. I spiral down, further down. Drowning. I'm drowning and there is no air. No surface to break and gasp into. ...

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 22/JUL/2020

Ouroboros

Nothingness seems so inevitable. Logic and reason point toward its path seemingly from every approach. Is there any escape? ...

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