People always act like selling your soul is a huge deal. I have never once needed it for anything.
— Unknown
When I was young I was warned that the devil would offer riches, fame, women, and power for my soul. Temptations would lead me astray if I chased after them. I'm sad to report I was never offered money for my soul. Nor was fame, women, or power in the cards.
In fact, stepping away from the church sundered one of the most valuable things in our society - the ability to network with like-minded people. Opportunities don't arise in a vacuum, they come from our circumstances and associations. What many successful people fail to credit for their success is the network of people who helped create opportunities they were able to seize upon.
When you are isolated, removed from social circles, opportunities are scarce and rare. When your social circle is mostly other suffering people there is very little to your circumstances that will lay down chances for you to pick up and carry them to success. Creating your own luck is a difficult skill to acquire, master, and utilize.
Churches, especially larger ones, create huge networks for you to tap into for opportunities. They can get you connected to and invited to meet people who have influence and chances for you to take. You can meet a variety of people in a church including people who would take you under their wing for mentoring.
In my world that was suddenly all gone. All those connections severed and torn away as I lost faith. At minimum I lost a number of people who could serve as character references or witnesses. At most I lost the chance to parlay friendships or camaraderie into avenues for success.
It wasn't fame that led me astray. Power was never in reach as I stepped from faith. Money was in short supply working in the bottom rungs of society. Being shy and poor led to little dating or romance.
The strongest lust I had was for truth. I hungered and ached to learn. I turned not to fortune and fame but quiet study and research. The more I read, the more I learned, the more my faith began to ebb away. Confronted with the harsh realities of life in the bottom strata of society I could no longer find a loving God. Learning the foundation of logic and reason replaced all of my life's answers up to that point with questions.
As questions mounted and answers seemed fewer and farther between I felt an ache in my soul. A longing that simply was no longer being met by religion or spirituality. My desire turned to meaning, purpose. A desire that was increasingly left unmet, unfulfilled. If there was a devil he was as elusive as the God I was falling away from. There was no temptation I could succumb to, just a gnawing feeling of isolation and sense of loss.
If I could have sold my soul I'd have sold it cheap. To feel less alone, to know some truth, to have some purpose. My price wasn't high. Alas, no contract was proffered from the depths. Instead I found nothing. And in nothing I was lost.