We have never heard the devil's side of the story, God wrote all the book.— Anatole France
Like most religions, Satanism has a variety of sects or forms. There are two groups that people are most likely to encounter or to have heard of: The Church of Satan and The Satanic Temple. These two groups are not the same and have fundamental differences in ideology.
My first exposure to Satanism, while a Christian, was through a member of the Church of Satan. I was surprised at what I learned Satanism was about. Not only did he not believe in a literal Satan, his values seemed, at least in part, to be reasonable - even to a Christian like me.
Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.— The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth, The Church of Satan
Especially in light of the current 'Me Too' movement, this rule seems eminently reasonable and seemed so to me at the time I first encountered it. While the wording is awkwardly edgy (mating signal), the intent is clear - don't make sexual advances on someone who hasn't consented or signaled consent.
Do not harm little children.— The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth, The Church of Satan
Membership in the Church of Satan wasn't even open at the time to people under the age of majority[1]. I had been told Satanists sacrificed children, involved them in their bizarre rituals, abused them. Yet here this rule is stated without qualification, 'do not harm'.
Compare to instruction from God to the Israelites:
Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy all that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.’— 1 Samuel 15:3 (emphasis added)
In fact there are multiple references in the Bible to God's approval of the killing of children.
However, I was led to believe that the Satanists also sacrificed animals even if they weren't sacrificing children.
Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.— The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth, The Church of Satan
Yet here again is a clear injunction, this time against killing animals other than for defense or for food. No exemption for ritual sacrifice is found here nor in the Satanic Bible. Killing of animals other than for defense or for food purposes is prohibited.
Something stood out to me, in light of discoveries I had recently been made aware of.
Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!— The Nine Satanic Statements, The Satanic Bible
What was I deceiving myself of? What else had I been taught that was built on lies and distorted truth? Who else had I trusted that had been caught up in dishonesty and manufactured evidence?
I couldn't agree with everything I discovered about Satanism as the Church of Satan espouses. There are aspects that still strike me as wrong, though for different reasons than at the time. I couldn't disagree with some of what I learned, however. Some of the values claimed by the Satanists were clearly 'good', in a sense better than even some of what I'd been discovering in the Bible. The Bible never outright condemned rape, for instance. There are passages in the Bible that seem to endorse slavery, for another. Yet here the enemy of all that was Good and Holy was clearly denouncing rape and the harming of children.
How could it be that I had ideology in line with a Satanist? They even seemed to be libertarians[2], the political ideology I was finding myself identifying with at the time.
What was happening? Was I being tempted by this confusion by the devil? Why did the words good, truthful, loving, and Christian seem to cause so much dissonance now in my head?
I began to sometimes feel an actual gnawing sensation in my gut. A flighty animal panic seemed to edge in from all sides at times.
When all your life has been certainty, doubt can feel like a physical illness. It wracks both body and mind.
I felt sick.